Week 3 - Diary Room

[Heather]

12/13/2014



Everything with the vote went off as expected and I couldn't be more ecstatic!  In the end, Leo came through in the tie and he kept Jess, which is a huge relief.  I don't think that Leo liked being put in the position where he had to lay all of his cards out on the table, but you can't always get what you want in this game and I'm glad that he had to pick a side.  Honestly he probably benefits the least out of everyone in our alliance from Nathan leaving, but I'm playing a game and I pushed for him to make the move that was best for me.  Sorry bro, but I'm not sorry!

Now #Healeb just needs to win the Head of Household Competition, because let me tell you, it's been a long time coming and I'm ready for that room bitches!


_{Me in my comfy HOH bed when I win.}

The only thing that has me slightly worried right now is a potential shakeup.  I hope that I'm just overanalyzing things, but a twist like a shuffling of the pairs doesn't seem like it's beyond the realm of possibility.

[Heather]

12/14/2014


_{That's all that's going through my mind heading into the HOH Comp!
GOOD VIBRATIONS HEATHER, GOOD VIBRATIONS.}

[Heather]

12/14/2014

Fail Heather. FAIL.

[Heather]

12/14/2014

I feel physically sick right now.  I know that's the silliest thing ever, over a game, but it's true.  I care way too much about all of this.  I'm not ready to go home and I don't want Caleb to go anywhere either.  At this point, we have to win the Power of Veto.  Losing isn't an option or we're gonna get separated.

I'm not so much upset with the fact that the other side of the house won.  I mean yeah, it sucks but this is a game and I'm not a poor sport.  They played that comp better than we did, that's just life and you can't win everything.  Having to watch that little weasel Matt gloat is annoying, but yeah... I get it, of course he's gonna be giddy, he's 100% safe this week.  As over him as I am, it's just like whatever.  I'm more pissed off with myself than anybody, for losing a challenge that should have been in our favor.  I feel like I let my allies down and now I could be one of the people going home this week.

On paper Caleb has probably pissed off more of the people on the other side than I have, but if the they're thinking smart, they probably see me as the bigger strategic threat so I don't necessarily feel great about my chances right now if we don't win the POV.  Damn this blows.

I'll fight tooth and nail to stay in this game though.  I'm not gonna throw in the towel until the votes are read out loud on eviction night.

[Heather]

12/14/2014



Impending house meeting.  Stay tuned!

[Heather]

12/14/2014

The house meeting was a complete train wreck but then again, in Big Brother, when aren't they?  We laid Matt's entire game out for the whole house to see, and it might not have made much of a difference since the lines are already drawn in the sand, but whatever.  Matt reacted exactly the way that I expected him to, talking in circles and giving us a bunch of non-answers LOL.  He's such a weasel.

Danielle sat on her new throne and practically yawned as if Caleb and I weren't telling her anything that she didn't already know, and then Ryan's true colors came out too, when he started acting like a complete dick to us for no reason.  Douchebag or not, it was actually a welcome surprise, since half the time, unless he's winning a comp, I pretty much forget that Ryan exists. Go ahead Ryan, be smug now, because it's a long fall down from that HOH suite.  Good luck banking on #Matoria to win next time!  We'll just wait and see how much his tune changes when he's on the bottom again.  I'm not afraid of #Ryelle and if we sped up the process of them targeting us then so be it, at least this way we'll be guaranteed to play in the Power of Veto.

[Heather]

12/14/2014

Sometimes I wish that I could just yank a set of reigns and tell Caleb to cool down a little bit.  I adore him and I know that he's trying to psych everyone else out for the POV but we have to play the game with these people if we stay and I mean, at this rate, it's not gonna be a pleasant experience.

I know another reason for his recent behavior is that he feels like he's got nothing to lose... he keeps telling me that if we don't come off the block after Veto, that he's going to lay down his sword for me so that I can stay, and I mean that's flattering but WTF dude.  Don't get me wrong, I love Caleb and I'm so, so honored that he would even consider doing something like that for me, it's just that I feel really uncomfortable even thinking about it. I want to stay in the house, more than anything, but in Big Brother terms, that's like the ultimate sacrifice... we just have to win.



_{Let's get ready to work and sweat.}

[Heather]

12/14/2014

Oh and Ryan, I'm no lackey so you can kindly go fuck yourself.

[Heather]

12/15/2014

I'm so scared that I may have bombed the Veto!  My strategy was to make sure that I was accurate over fast, because if I guessed and guessed wrong, it wouldn't have mattered if I did the competition in two minutes or in a half an hour.  Finding all ten (which I'm almost certain that I did) is good, but I still feel like it took me way too long.  I just really hope that Caleb does well, and that it's enough.  I'm not ready for us to get separated!

[Heather]

12/16/2014

WHAT A MESS.  I HATE THIS WEEK SO MUCH.  AND TODAY IS THE WORST!


_{Me right now, except not really, but sorta.  Tears have been shed.  I am not proud of it, but it's true.}

First we lost the Veto, narrowly, to #Ryelle of course... so that absolutely blew.  I literally felt physically sick afterwards.  Just to keep coming so close, time and time again in these comps... it's tough. 

Afterwards Caleb kept up his whole 'falling on his sword for me' spiel, which was depressing but expected, since he's been so adamant about doing that for me all week.  Now before I continue, I feel that I need to make something very clear: I would never ask, nor would I expect, anyone to sacrifice themselves for me in a game.  Caleb's decision to campaign for me to stay in the house was all on him.  Now while I haven't encouraged it or egged it on by any means, I also haven't argued against it either, because as flattering as it has been, as uncomfortable as it has made me, and as altogether unnecessary as it is, I'd be a fool to actively try and persuade Caleb to do otherwise.  Deep down, I have to admit, a part of me has been a little bit relieved over his whole apparent willingness to take a bullet for me.  Does that make me feel a little bit guilty?  Yes, but I want to be in this game so freaking bad, so if that's a crime, then sue me. 

Caleb has been humming the same tune all week at this point.  He's even gone so far as to publicly ask the entire house to keep me and evict him... so you can imagine my surprise when Jessica and Luisa pulled me into the storage room earlier tonight and told me that Caleb has suddenly had a change of heart and is now actively trying to rally the votes to stay behind my back.

My first feeling was my heart dropping.  I spent the entire afternoon upset and feeling guilty because Caleb was ready to walk out the door for me to be here, which is seriously the most selfless thing I can imagine anyone doing in a game like Big Brother... and then to hear the news of his sudden shift of plans, it was like having all of the wind knocked out of me and then some.  Finding out that he'd been campaigning for a good hour while keeping up this gallant knight charade to my face... it was heartbreaking.  Him changing his mind on a whim like that, can I say that I blame him?  No.  That doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt like a son-of-a-bitch.

Now I need to kick it into overdrive, at the eleventh hour, and convince #Luica to keep me around.  At this point, I only really trust Nicole, because everyone else is being super flaky.  I think that people are leaning towards keeping me, but leaning towards doesn't mean anything in a game where everything shifts on a dime.