Week 4 - Diary Room

[Heather]

12/18/2014

_{Me getting a well deserved massage after all of that last minute scrambling!}

Caleb going sucks.  He was my best friend in this house and I'm really gonna miss him.  It's just not gonna be the same without Beast Mode Cowboy around.  I'm not gonna sit here and mope though; the important thing is that I stayed, and I still have some unfinished business to take care of in this game.  I have some plans for the future, and I'll elaborate on all of that very soon.  Until then, I'm gonna briefly interrupt our regularly scheduled broadcast of Britney's greatest hits in order to bring you a true Rihanna classic.  This one's for you Cabe!

[Heather]

12/19/2014

It's crazy to think that a little over a week ago, we had 14 people here and now, there are only nine of us!  It's been a real whirlwind of ups and downs since then, to say the least.  Since #Healeb lost the Veto that sent Caleb home, my primary focus has been on where my game is headed from here on out... at the risk of sounding overly optimistic for someone who just lost their primary ally, I think that the future is actually looking pretty bright for me.

I just feel like I've gained a lot of clarity lately.  Jessica and Luisa's hemming and hawing over their allegiance last round was, in all honesty, a real eye opener.  Not only did I start to see how naive I was being with Caleb, but the pulling at teeth that it took to get those girls to commit their votes to me... all of that just really didn't sit right and it left me feeling super sketched out!  Prior to everything I'd felt like I had really solid relationships with both of them, especially Jess, but now I'm starting to think that maybe Jess is wrapped a little too tightly around Luisa's finger, and that maybe they aren't each as close to me as I had originally thought.

We did come together with Nicole to form a girl power deal of sorts between the four of us, and I do believe that for the time being that they'll have my back, but in the long run I won't forget how scared they made me feel when I was at my most vulnerable.

Nicole and I both agreed that the two of them handled everything pretty oddly.  Thank God for Nicole.  She's the one person who keeps me sane in this house.  I would be a nervous wreck without her around to bounce ideas off of.  I'm so happy that she stayed over Leo.  My primary loyalty is to Nicole at this point, and we have a concrete agreement to go to the Final Two.  I really trust her.

Oddly enough, someone else asked me for a Final Two, almost out of no where, the night before Caleb and Leo's evictions... and that person's name is Danielle. It's an interesting prospect and one that I'm definitely mulling over as a backup plan, but I'm still a little uneasy.  It's hard enough to trust allies in this game, let alone someone who, at one point at least, was an enemy.  I'm gonna try to have Danni's back as much as I can at this point but it is a secondary loyalty for me as of right now.  It could be a genius arrangement if it works out though.  As the power shifts, the two of us can sort of work on each side of the house to keep the other one safe.  We're both strong players and I think that we could pull off what she's proposing.  She's actually opened up to me a lot so I think that I can trust her.  Given everything that's gone down, I actually find myself really liking Danielle now that I've gotten to know her.

Something big is coming this round too... and I don't think that it's someone returning either.  If I had to guess I'd actually say it's gonna be an Instant Eviction.  If I'm right, then Ryan should be pretty scared right now too, because they've been hammering and banging around in the backyard for a while now, building something big for HOH, aka endurance, and I am an endurance queen.  There's a good chance that I will win this.  Maybe next time he won't win four out of the first six competitions and also be a super-douche to the people that he goes after.  I don't dislike Ryan, quite the contrary actually, and we did sort of mend fences, but it doesn't change the fact that he's still a super threat to me, and I want him gone, like yesterday.  While people might think that Matt would be my target instead, given the history there, I'm actually perfectly able to set personal feelings aside, and do what's smart.  Wasting a week on Matt right now isn't gonna help me much in the long run.  Bring on the wall bitches.

[Heather]

12/20/2014

_{I won HOH!  Feeling so tuckered out right now though.  More to come soon.}

[Heather]

12/20/2014

I'm still feeling so exhausted after that endurance competition but damn, getting the HOH key was worth every minute of sleep that I missed out on.  If Victoria had won instead, I'd be feeling pretty vulnerable right now.  Nicole may or may not be a target over me at this point, but regardless of the pecking order, I needed this.

I'm not sure if there's a Pandora's Box coming my way, or if someone is gonna be recycled back or if it might still be an Instant Eviction this round or whatever, but I'm just gonna nominate the two people who I think are the least beneficial for my game going forward.

Matt pitched to me that I should put up Donny, because he's been essentially getting less and less active as the game progresses and that Donny's brass handles approach to everything ultimately makes him very dangerous to anyone that wants to be sitting at the end.  Basically, Matt thinks that Donny is floating right now, and soon he's gonna start looking like a great goat to take to the end.

It's not that some of what Matt says isn't true.  Anything is possible in this game after all, but wasting an HOH on Donny right now would be a horrible use of my power.  A perceived weaker player, and therefore lesser target than I am, ultimately poses much less of a threat to me right now than a group of four people working together.

[Heather]

12/22/2014

I bombed that Veto and I'm so mad at myself for it!  I lost so much time because I had to essentially enter all of my answers twice, which is something that I could have avoided had I been better organized... I'm a mess. Matt killed it, which was a surprise, and would have been a pleasant one too, if Ryan could have just taken three more seconds!  I am in awe of him.  He is insane.  He is a beast.  He is just gonna win his way to the end of this game and there's nothing that any of us can do about it... IT SUCKS.



So Ryan came down obviously, and I pawned Victoria.  At this point though, Matt is pushing really hard to stay and I feel sorta like I'm wedged between a rock and a hard place.  I don't really believe that I can trust Matt.  I think that he can be a loyal player, but that loyalty isn't to me, or at least it hasn't been.  I'm struggling to figure out what I'm gonna do though.


_{BRB, screaming into a pillow.}

Someone has to beat Ryan, but who?  Donny and Jessica can't seem to win their way out of a paper bag, so relying on them to win HOH is like expecting a short line at the DMV.  Then, my suspicion with Luisa is that she's actually very good at comps but is just biding her time.  She doesn't really need to win right now; she can just sit back and let the bigger players go after one another.  She's a hibernating dragon, and when she wakes up, we're all gonna see her breathe some fire.  Nicole tries, but it all just really depends on the challenge for her.  At this point maybe my best bet is to hope for a Danni win, which will give Ryan another round, sure, but it'll give Nicole and me one also.

I'm slowly working on bridging my alliances with Danielle and Nic together.  It's just all about timing right now.  I think that both of them are receptive to working with the other, and if we get something legitimate going, it's like Danielle told me, the three of us could probably alternate winning HOH for the rest of the game.